Dip Me In Honey…
(And Throw Me To The Lesbians)
Episode 2 – Brick Shithouse
Part 1
-Shit – I mumble, covering my face with both hands while throwing myself on Stefan’s armchair, sinking on it – I’ll be kicked out of my flat.
-Can’t they give you a time? To earn money? We’re going to sign a contract, things will get better – Stefan says, concerned, I stare at him with my best “you don’t know a thing” expression.
-I haven’t paid the bill has three months – I say with raised eyevrows, Stefan’s jaw falls and he stares at me incredulous, gasping.
-You told me you had paid – he starts frowning. Don’t do it! Don’t stare at me as if you were blaming me! Stop it!
-Well, I lied – he looks away, I frown.
-You’re so mature – he says sarcastically and I pout – In what you’ve spent your money, Bri?
-Uh, well, in food… some needs, you know – I answer bitting my lower lip and glancing at anything, but his face.
-Drugs. – he says dryly, and I immediately turn to him.
-Don’t say as if you didn’t use it too! – I hit back, annoyed.
-Well, yeah, but I pay my bills first! – he answers and I shut up, secretly trying to think about a way of hitting back, while he thinks it means I gave in and that I agree he’s right. Well, I know he’s right but I surely haven’t gave in.
-Anyway, what are you going to do? – he asks me, tearing apart my line of thoughts and stopping my not-very-useful unconscious activity of bitting my bottom lip.
-Uh. Find a new place, you know – I stare at him with a poor expression, not the puppy dog eyes, not the “king of the world” arrogant face, not even the ashamed look. Just my very own face with raised eyebrows, typical of when I’ve just made a conclusion, and for a moment it passed by my dirty imagination the possibility of seducing Stefan so as to convince him to make me stay at his place. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen. Stefan’s boyfriend was way too jealous of me and his parents, who actually are the owners of the flat, don’t like and it wouldn’t be very nice when they visit him.
-Oh, Bri, I would love to let you stay here, but… – I know, I know. You will talk about your boyfriend and then will say, using an eufemism, that you don’t want your parents to find me high. I know the story. I stare at him as if I was paying real attention, nodding and when he ends I just frown and smile.
-I know, Stef. You don’t need to worry, I’ll find somewhere else – and then I think of Steve. And want to kill him. The damn bastard not only disappeared with the money from my wallet, but also went touring with another band and left us without a drummer when we were about to sign the goddamn contract. Stef told me a drummer friend of his is going to come soon to London and then he can join us. I didn’t like the idea, but what can I do?
-Well – Stefan smiles back to me and again tear my line of thoughts in two, gawdheuwrwe – I hope you will. But you can surely stay here while that! – he adds, concerned.
-No, no, I’m fine – I lie. Staying at his place would be much more trouble than I need, thanks – Well, I stand up – I think I’m going now. Lot of friends to call! And stuff to gather! – I put a fake smile on my lps and Stef stares at me, still sooo concerned, come on, you’re not my dad! I glance back at him, frowning at that, and then smile for real – Come on – I open my arms and he stands up, hugging me tight and caressing… or messing, whatsoever, my hair, while I just wrap my arms around him. I kiss both of his cheeks and break the hug, smiling one last time before walking towards his door and waving a goodbye as he closes it.
Oh, Stef, you’re such a great friend for me… I sigh.
I walk back “home” unwillingly, even a bit sadly… Very soon it wouldn’t be my home anymore. It was a terrible place, but “mine” anyway.
I stare at my keys when I’m in front of the door, and without a real reason, I kiss ‘em, a faint smile appearing on my lips. I walk inside, and with a weight in my heart, I start to gather the few stuff I had. My guitar, my clothes… Also the bed, the wardrobe, the fride, the cooker and… what I liked to call a TV were mine. I would take them to Stef’s if I couldn’t find a decent place.
Ok. Now I call my friends.
…
Fail!
No place for me. No one can host me. Fuck. Goddamnit. Shit.
I feel my eyes starting to burn, I want to cry, want to get drunk.
What am I going to do now? I cover my face with my hands and start to sob quietly as a few lonely tears fall down my face.
Yeah, I’m a fucking miserable and lonely bastard. No one really cares about me. I don’t have a place to be and I’m fucking going to die on the streets. Maybe of hypothermia or hopefully smashed by a car… I fiercely wipe my tears and bite my bottom lip, decided to stop crying. I stand up, wash my face, put on some make-up, my eye-liner and a light-pink lipstick, I wear some tight black jeans and a dark-blue skinny t-shirt. Ok. My hair looked the same shit as always, but anyway.
I swallow dry and get out of there, lock the house, and as I am outside of the building, I wonder where I’m going to go. I walk without a route, without a destiny, thoughtful. Unless my legs were broken I will get somewhere anyway…
-Brian? – I listen to a familiar voice. A bit girly, a bit uh, weird. A bit common. I turn back to find this skinny girl with really straight light brown blondish hair, she smiles at me puzzled and I grin back.
-Jenny! – She bounces and hugs me tightly.
-Brian! How long! I missed you – she says, while hugging me. As we break the hug she stares at me, from my head to my feet, with THAT expression I don’t like – You look good. – she says with a fake smile. Eyeing me so intensely with those greedy and jealous eyes I feel embarrassed. She is envy of me so obviously I can even feel it, I raise my eyebrows.
-Thank you – I smile – You… look good too! – I try to say, a fake smile on my lips too. Jenny is… weird. And she’s always been, since I knew her from college. She was far too skinnym her face could be kind of pretty though, but her eletric blue eyes were a bit too big. I don’t know… Felt like she was formed by some random features together.
-Oh, you think so? – she played with her hair. I don’t think she got the irony – Thank you. – she answered in all her vanity – So, what you’ve been up to?
-Oh, not much. I uh, well, I’m on a band and I think we’re going to sign a contract – I say, grinning like mad, feeling the little bit of arrogance that still remained on me after this humiliating situation of being kicked out of my flat.
-Oh really? – she grinned, no reason for her to envy that, I think.
-Yeah – I keep smiling – What about you? Been up to something new?
-Well – she smiles coyly – I’m moving in with my boyfriend and probably future fianceé, we got a house on the suburbs of London! – she says all excited, I raised my eyebrows slightly in surprise, not a big one though, she surely was the marrying kind. I just didn’t think she’d find the right guy so soon.
-Really? Oh that’s great! – I answer, but then remember that as she’s moving in to a new house, I’m beign KICKED from my old one. How great. You’re such a succesful guy, Brian. See people around you finding someone who loves them, creating a family, getting a house…
-Yeah, yeah, we’re so excited! Oh, I’ve bought everything for our home already – she keeps babbling about her home while my smile disappears and my face becomes the most frustrated and sad one. And then I sigh and start making my forsaken puppy face. She keeps babbling about how happy her life is, and as I wasn’t really in the mood to listen to anyone today, and as my day was already fucked up enough, and as she didn’t get the message, I had to fucking moan out loud so as for her to listen to me. – What’s the matter, brian? – she asks me frowning, and even though part of her was, yes, concerned, the other part was a bit annoyed for being interrupted, I could tell.
-I’m homeless – her eyes open wide in desbelief and I realise she got it wrong – I mean, I’m being kicked out of my flat and I don’t know where I’m going to stay yet. – well, it wasn’t untrue, but it sounded a lot better than in real life. And it won’t make her feel as if she was talking to a beggar or anything like that.
-Oh – she says, looking a bit concerned, but not making a big deal of it. I frown and even pout a bit, still the sad puppy, but not exagerating so much as I wanted her to see how sad I was. And well, it wasn’t untrue that I wasn’t in my happiest days either.
-I feel so lost… but I KNOW I’ll get over it! I’m on an almost signed band! I just need… a place to be for a while – I finish with a lower voice and sigh, glancing at her with my puppy eyes, but pretend not to be watching her. She stares at me thoughtful, and I wonder if her blond hair affected her brain and she didn’t get the message. Ok, I know it’s not like that, and if she can’t, I understand, really, but…
-I think you can stay with us if it’s just for a while, Brian – she finally suggest, smiling, and I grin back to her.
-Really?! Oh my god, thank you! – I hug her and she grins too, hugging me back tightly.
I don’t have any idea of what will be of this, but anyway, I’m not homeless!
